A River of Fire
If done in the right way, sex will be one of the best parts of your life. It will enrich your relationship with your spouse the way nothing else can. But when misplaced, it will become a selfish, and ugly force in your life that will cause destruction that will be very difficult to overcome.
Put another way: sex has power. Power for great good, and power for great evil. Each of us is capable of turning it to evil and must learn to resist it in order to gain the benefits.
No one man, however brilliant or well-informed, can come in one lifetime to such fullness of understanding as to safely judge and dismiss the customs or institutions of his society, for these are the wisdom of generations after centuries of experiment in the laboratory of history. A youth boiling with hormones will wonder why he should not give full freedom to his sexual desires; and if he is unchecked by custom, morals, or laws, he may ruin his life before he matures sufficiently to understand that sex is a river of fire that must be banked and cooled by a hundred restraints if it is not to consume in chaos both the individual and the group.
Of course, you should aspire to wait to have sex until you’re married. But that won’t be so easy because your body is built to really like sex, so when you’re alone with someone that you’re attracted to, you will need to actively resist your own desires in order to avoid doing something you’ll later regret. Unless you have carefully planned ahead and completely decided what you will do beforehand — if you leave the decision until a moment of passion arises — you are unlikely to make wise decisions. Failing to plan in this regard is a recipe for disaster for you and many others around you.
So, make up your mind well beforehand. If you properly and frequently commit yourself, you will build barriers that will protect you and others from the river of fire.
Barriers Far from the Cliff
The banks of the river of fire are sloped. They tempt you to get closer to get a better look at the scenery, but they are also lined with traps and slides that do their best to pull you into the river.
Build your barriers far from the cliff. The closer you get, the harder it will be to pull back until it’s too late. You’ve heard that Mom and I had a “pecks-only” kissing rule until we were married. I both hated and loved this rule! I know it’s not the most pleasant thing to hear, but I really liked kissing your Mom and, naturally, I wanted more of it — not less! But I knew that Mom was more than just a pretty girl. I knew that I wasn’t dating her just to hang out or to have fun. I knew that she had the high potential to be someone that I’d want to marry, so I wanted to make sure that I was thinking clearly and building a relationship upon more than just physical attraction.
The reason I loved this rule was because it made me respect Mom even more. It showed me that she was dating me for the same reasons, that she had high moral character, and would make short-term sacrifices for long-term gain.
Well before you start dating to find someone to marry, I recommend that you set up some guardrails that you WILL NOT CROSS. You don’t have to draw a line so extremely far away from the cliff as Mom and I did (although that would probably be good), but you do need to draw lines that are far from the cliff. I recommend that you commit only to mild and innocent kissing and hand-holding until you are married. Any physical affection beyond that is probably selfish and will only make it more difficult for you to make wise decisions with the person you’re dating. It will also minimize the chances of finding the type of person who is willing to contain his/her passions for something more important, which is a MUST in any marriage.
Warning Signs: Lines Closer to the Cliff
- Never go into each other’s bedrooms
- Never lie down together
- Avoid French kissing
- Avoid kissing anywhere but on the face
These are some indications that you are starting to slip off the cliff and might find it hard to pull yourself back. Don’t do these things!
- Careful where your hands go. Never touch private parts or other places that might be arousing. A good rule of thumb is to only touch each other in a way that you would feel comfortable doing in front of your parents.
- Never remove clothing (ANY clothing)
I could get more explicit than that — perhaps I will another day — but I’m sure you can imagine that doing anything beyond those rules puts you in danger of making a decision that could cause you serious pain for the rest of your life.