About 25 years ago, my friend asked me to sign a petition in favor of a law that would require the government to filter pornography completely out of the internet. I told him that would be great but that I didn't think it was possible. Even if we could keep American businesses from publishing it on the web, how would we stop some dude in Sri Lanka? So, then why would I want the government to spend my tax dollars toward something that wouldn't work?
I have a slightly different take today, but my point about pornography being everywhere and difficult to remove is only more true today. When I was a kid, you had to go looking for porn. Today, it's hard to miss it.
I think that this has and will continue to have a devastating impact upon individuals and upon society as a whole.
The Attraction is Normal
Physical attraction usually functions slightly different for men and women. Men are much more likely to be aroused visually. For many men, seeing a naked woman is like a drug. It triggers an intense chemical reaction in their brains.
Women can function in a similar way (I imagine) but they're much more likely to find the very idea of pornography confusing and repulsive.
For this reason, men are twice as likely to struggle with pornography than women are.
For that reason, I'm mostly talking to my boys. When I was in elementary school I remember wondering if there was something wrong with me because I wasn't really interested in girls. But by sometime in middle school, girls were about the only thing on my mind! And the thought of seeing a girl naked was pretty awesome. Even though all the guys I knew had the same thought, once again, I wondered if there was something wrong with me because of the intensity of those thoughts. It was a challenge to keep my mind from wandering into inappropriate places.
But there was nothing wrong with me. This is how most young boys and men are. We just have to learn to respond to those thoughts in a way that's appropriate and we have to train our minds to have more appropriate thoughts.
There's nothing wrong with you just because the idea of seeing a woman's body is exciting. That's just nature.
Self-Destruction
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." – Matthew 5:27-28
Lust is a selfish distortion of love. Where love gives and builds, lust takes and destroys. Jesus's comment about lust means that I can commit a sin just by allowing my thoughts to get out of control. And pornography would definitely fall into the lustful category!
Jesus tells us more about what He thinks about sins of the heart:
"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness." (Matthew 23:27-28)
I think that the fact that a cultural norm (like focusing on being good on the inside) has been around for a very long time is reason enough to follow it by default (see Chesterton's Fence). That said, I think that pretty much every commandment found in the bible has a temporal component to it. In other words, there are completely practical reasons to avoid pornography.
The first one that comes to mind is that porn does tremendous damage.
"President Carter hosted a White House conference on pornography, which amazingly concluded that pornography was a 'victimless' crime. What an astounding, morally obtuse statement." (Richard D. Land, recalling a discussion from the 1970s)
That statement couldn't be further from the truth. Pornography does damage to everyone it touches.
The Women
I once read an article written by a woman who had escaped the porn industry and had adopted a Christian life. She described what the lifestyle was like in a horrifying way: saying that most of the women needed drugs to get themselves through the horribly debasing sessions. They were little more than voluntary slaves.
I recently saw an interview with a woman who began by bragging about her porn lifestyle but the tone changed when the interviewer asked her how it made her feel. She unexpectedly broke down into tears and said it made her feel used and dirty.
I think I also told you that there was a girl who I went to high school with who I later discovered had become some sort of porn star. My guess is that at one time she thought she was living the life. But she died young of a drug overdose. I don't know any other details of her life but I don't think she married and I don't think she had children. She always seemed edgy to me so this end to her life might have simply been the unavoidable pitfall at the end of the path she was on. But I don't really know.
There is a new trend of women voluntarily posting pornographic images of themselves on apps where men can pay to view them. ChatGPT tells me that there are 1.4 American million women creating "content" on this app alone.
Just because these women do it voluntarily does not mean that they don't pay an extremely high price. At the very least, they allow themselves to be destroyed from the inside out. Sex has a special effect of connecting two people in a powerful, emotional bond. When it's done casually, there is enormous spiritual and psychological damage (especially to women).
Those women are also jeopardizing their chances of having a healthy marital relationship in the future. Not only have they trained their own minds to think of sacred things in a non-sacred way, but they are suddenly much less interesting to good men who want nothing more than to have a stable marriage and family.
When someone watches porn, they are part of the destruction of those women's lives.
Damage to Yourself
It's a strange concept that humans sometimes have a tendency to do things that will lead to that person's own destruction. We have strong, natural appetites that drive us to keep ourselves alive and to carry on the next generation (thirst, hunger, sex, etc). But if we're not careful, those appetites will have the opposite result.
Your Brain
Porn messes with your brain. The singer, Billie Eilish, unfortunately knows this:
"I think it really destroyed my brain and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn."
"I'm so angry that porn is so loved, and I'm so angry at myself for thinking that it was OK."
I did a bit of research on this one. Here's what I found about how pornography affects your brain:
Novelty: Porn trains the brain to be aroused by new things in sex: new people, etc. I don't think that a healthy sexual relationship has anything to do with newness. Instead, a healthy sexual relationship is a dance with your spouse where there's little thought about what you want but about what your spouse wants.
Conditioning: Porn can train the brain to have a conditioned response to otherwise neutral stimulus. So, when a porn user repeatedly associates certain imagery with arousal, they have a difficult time separating every-day encounters with those stimuli from arousal. In other words, the argument I've heard before: that porn releases tension and makes you less easily aroused, is wrong. The opposite is true.
Escalation Effect: Similar to drug abuse, many porn users find that they don't get the same high with the same stimuli, so they venture into new, more aggressive or perverse forms in order to be aroused. Just like drugs, if you've ever tried it, get some help from someone you trust, and do your best to stop. If you've never experimented with it, it's best never to start!
Shifts in Attitudes & Scripts: Those who watch porn are more likely to act out, or be more permissive of behaviors that they previously would have rejected.
Neurobiological Evidence: Brain imaging studies show that dopamine pathways activated during porn consumption resemble those in drug addiction.
Others Who Rely on You
Porn usage is unfaithful behavior that would break your spouse's (or future spouse's) heart. It will also warp your mind and make it more difficult to have a healthy relationship in the future. So, make the types of decisions, and be the kind of person that a good woman or man would want to marry. Don't ever do anything that you wouldn't want your future spouse to know about.
Remember that your life is not your own. There are people who have a profound interest in the success of your life. Remember my grandpa who committed suicide. He forgot — if just for a moment — that his wife and daughters and neighbors and future grandkids were depending on him. All of us were the victims of his selfish act.
In a similar way, there are many people who will suffer if you let pornography get a grip of your life. Don't entertain it. Don't let it in. Resist it and seek for something higher.
Be a person who gives and builds. And where you have destroyed, try to repair and rebuild.
Laws Against Porn
Remember that I told my friend that it was pointless to fight against porn on the internet? Today, I think that we need to take action against the plague of porn. I think that we should ban businesses in the US that profit from porn on the internet and I think that we should impose stiff penalties for people who place porn on the web for any reason. As for the problem of keeping the dude in Sri Lanka at bay, well, my guess is that AI will soon be up to the task of finding porn on the web, annihilating it, and going after the offenders (if they live in our jurisdiction).
What do you think?